As I journey into introspection..."When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are then challenged to change ourselves."


Friday, March 28, 2014


Allot of times, complete strangers would approach me, proceed to telling me their personal dilemmas, and ask for my advice.  I couldn't honestly guess why this happens to me so often.  Truth be told, I'm not a very good advice giver.  I rarely "say the right thing."  I often just bellow what I think is most appropriate in relation to a person’s given situations.  I find it challenging to generalize conclusions based on personal circumstance and I have a very serious disposition with cloaking reality.

I can't decide if it's a selfish way of thinking that leads me to believe that when such things happen, the universe is trying to teach me a lesson.  Or, it may also be that I just have one of ‘those’ faces and it’s purely coincidental that I happen to be around when a person needs someone to talk to.

In a sense, it scares me when people do this.  I think that this fear is caused mostly by my inhibited character.  For me, personally, to randomly tell a person with whom I’m familiar—much less a complete stranger—my personal problems, I would have to feel very desperate about solving them.  I understand that some people have little to no inhabitations regarding their personal life, but in whole, the concept is very difficult for me to grasp.  None the less, advice seekers seem to flock to me.

via The Daily Neuron
I’m often, in my head reminded of a proverbial poem:
“A wise old owl once lived in an oak.
The more he heard, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Shouldn’t we all be like that wise old bird?”

But sometimes, life will throw us a curve ball…to keep us on our toes, I suppose…

Recently, I witnessed something that I’m certain I was not meant to see… a fairly nasty quarrel between lovers.  I had gone out to find a quiet place to sit and think but much to my surprise these lovers were in search of a secluded place to gnaw each other to pieces that night.  The exchanges between them were enough to make me cringe with the bitter sting of insult.  In my mind I was thinking; ‘how do you reconcile with your lover after these things have been said?’  Even out of anger, we truly ought to carefully consider the things we say to people for whom we claim to care. 

At the end of it all, the gentleman walked away from the argument—a wise decision.  They never noticed me sitting there, as they were so enthralled in the business of destroying each other’s ego.  But here’s the kicker…turns out…one of the parties involved is an associate of mine…

After they took off (in separate directions) I reasoned with myself as to whether or not I should say ‘something’ to this person.  I wondered if I should call and ask if they were ‘okay’ and reveal to them that I had heard their argument.  Of course, by my way of thinking, it would be foolish to ask a person in such a situation if they were ‘okay’ because clearly they’re not.  From that moment to this, I wondered if I should reach out.  I wonder that if I do reach out, what I should say to them.  I wonder if by acknowledging that I had overheard their conversation, this would make my associate uncomfortable around me.  (It certainly has not made me uncomfortable; Lovers quarrel all the time, right?)

But to add to the ferocious argument; the next morning I visited my face book page and found notifications for updates to my associate’s business page, which, according to the time stamp, were made just after four a.m. that morning.  And so now my mind also begs the question; what’s really going on with people when they’re up at three or four o’clock in the morning posting memes and liking statuses?  Could it be that insomnia is taking the blame for things he’s not responsible for?

All in all, I can’t bring myself to a conclusion:  it’s perfectly acceptable to me to impose my brashly realistic ideologies and perspectives on people when they ask…but what do I do when they don’t?

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Helena Fortissima said...

I think you did the right thing by keeping your thoughts about the interaction you observed private. Awkward situation for sure.

Nevy Dames said...

:) Thanks Helena.

Janene said...

I'm with Helena. If that person needs to share what happened with another person, let them choose that person. If a situation presents itself where you really feel you must intervene you will know it.

Nevy Dames said...

That's an excellent point Janene. I hadn't even looked at it in that way. Thank you.

onecanvasonesoul said...

I have had this "problem" on occasion in the past. A friend of a friend once asked me for relationship advice. It was weird! Besides the fact that at the time I had very little experience with such a topic and I had just met this person. Yet at the same time it made me feel good that someone trusted me enough to confine in me. Sometimes people just need someone to listen.

Nevy Dames said...

Did they ask the mutual friend as well?...Because if they didn't that would make it even more weird! lol.

I rarely feel good about those situations because 9/10 times I'm left wondering what happened to that person afterward. We all do need an ear sometimes.
Thanks for commenting.

Nevy Dames said...

Since I posted this, I've given allot of thought to this scenario and I've come to a very humbling realization: My associates behavior, is an exact reflection of my behavior.

In relationships, the only time I ever open up to anyone outside of the relationship about problems, is when I realize that the relationship is over. The thing that still baffles me though is, how do you get past the disrespect? Yes, yes...I know...not my concern! But again; its just very sand to me to see the kind of hurt that some people carry with them.

A thing that I probably should have emphasized more is that we must always be very careful the things we say to our loved ones. Understand what love is and love according to the way love is defined.
Even strong people need to be loved delicately sometimes.