What a wonderful time of year!
A time to celebrate love and lovers and for the few
traditional among us, a time to celebrate the works of good ole St. Valentine!...
Unless of course, you’re me, the Grinch of Valentines Day...
In which case…you despise the notion entirely!
But instead of boring you with an insightful prose on how superfluous and ridiculous this non-holiday is, I would instead like to take the time to share with you the little
known story of the origin of the Valentines day bear—which is something most
people probably never think about on account of the fact that no one really cares.
You see, the tale began a long, long time ago; in a land
far, far away, where things that might have happened may have happened; or were probably never really probable; but it never even mattered…
It was the beginning of the year, near the end of winter – and
at the precipice of the dawning of spring!
In a cave or cavern somewhere, that no one can prove existed, we find a pair of darling lovers had spent a long, cold winter wrapped up in each others warmth—mostly
because they had a morbid fear of going out doors and freezing to death. For the same reason, they decided not to point out each to the other that they were gaining weight. They agreed that exclusively for this time of year, they would refer to each other's girth as 'cuddly.' So for three months, the lady bear inhaled
her mate’s odors, picked up his trash from the floor and scrubbed his filthy
socks that he had gone an entire week without changing. And as she had done so, she lividly grumbled
and complained in a tone as nagging as the raging winter itself! He had bothered to take a bath precisely the
amount of times that she had bothered to wash her hair…approximately every two
weeks…well, it was very cold after all!
So entwined in their mutual disgust of the existence of the other they were,
that their still beating hearts began to symbolically emerge from their chest
and declare in writing that; ‘for me to have endured this harsh winter locked
away with the despicable likes of you, surely the only plausible explanation must be that “I LOVE YOU.”’ (Of course,
overtime, that expression was condensed, summarized, and/or manipulated in a
misleading sort of way to suit the perspective of the interpretator.) Then, just when
they thought that their heads would explode due to over consumption of chocolate
(I guess that was all they could find to forage that year) they looked up at the
calendar and saw that it was February the 14th. In that fateful and magical moment, they were reminded that no
matter how asphyxiated they had become by their lover’s morning breath, they
would, in just a few days be free to run as wild as the blooming of spring itself!
The male bear (because he was the one 'in charge') decided to call that day Valentines day, saying that it was symbolic of the most gruesome love triangle ever: "you, me and us." It reminded the lovers that there was
always hope…of escaping the metaphoric jaws of death. So they decided to mark the occasion by
having the male bear purchase an expensive piece of jewelry for the female
bear…because she had a va-j-j; and he didn’t!
Which really wasn’t her fault at all!
The end!...True story too!
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A few weeks ago, I thought about this blog. Earlier in the year I had promised myself
that I would make it an annual thing.
But this past year was a bit rough and I found myself seriously
wondering; ‘did I learn anything this year?’ There is always a lesson in life but sometimes we have to
remember to stop and let it sink in…
